Chemo in the chair #6

I hope this doesn't ramble on. As you can see it's 3:30am, it's called, "nighttime effects of cancer-don't plan on sleeping!" Anyway that may be my personal effect. It's always a learning experience when you go to your chemo appt. You're in a large room with 12 other patients, all sitting in comfy lounge chairs arranged in a semi-circle, very close together. You can truly reach out and touch your neighbor! Each patient is plugged in to their specific medications.

I've been in this large room 3 times now. No one has puked, or the more correct word, vomited, or dry heaved. This was my biggest misconception about chemotherapy, I just assumed everyone would be so sick and vomiting. The semi-circle setting would be a poor arrangement indeed if that were the case!

My visits take 4 hours from start to finish (what to do in a lounge chair for 4 hours)? My last 2 visits I decided to get to know my neighbors and other semicircle participants, soon to be called friends. Everyone has their unique story. I used to feel sad, maybe even pity looking at a woman who had lost her hair because I assumed they must be in cancer treatment. Now my thoughts and actions will be to congratulate her for being a brave fighter in a battle that no one would enlist in.

Next Wed., Aug.3 is my CT scan to see what the treatment has done during the past 6 weeks. I will tell you that I am already anxious about this procedure, even though I know it will do no good to worry because I cannot change the outcome. Please know that I have felt your support, love, and prayers. 

I did ramble, sorry. Please know I've gained much strength from your comments.

3rd South Family

I know we say this a lot, but our family has been truly blessed with amazing friends/family.  We have an awesome support system.  One group that has stuck together through thick and thin is our "3rd South Family".  When I was in 1st grade--many, many years ago:) my family built a house on 3rd South in Smithfield.  I believe that I had the "perfect" childhood growing up, surrounded by a a street full of loving neighbors that became our second family.  Two such neighbors have been "a part" of my family for as long as I can remember.  We have seen it all.  It is nice to know that someone always has your back.  Without asking, they innately know what to do and what is needed.  When one neighbor moved away, the other 2 weren't far behind.  Our three families remain neighbors to this day.  Kenny, Jackie & Family and Marlys & Family--THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! for taking care of my parents!  I don't think that you will ever truly understand the immense love we have for you!  I know my mom and dad appreciate and love you all more than you'll ever know.  Thank you for supporting them and all of us during this trial.  Without you, I don't know what we as a family would do!  We love you!!!

Walking in my sleep

I Know that i need to get Stronger, my body feels weak, so I wore my pedometer yesterday to get a baseline of my daily steps. I looked at the number 1616 late in the evening. At 3:00a.m. I woke up and realized that I was still wearing the pedometer which now read 1710. Yeah! I walked almost 100 steps in my sleep.
This is a far cry from the 10000 steps that I put in routinely during Feb-Apr during what I will call, "Get moving, you are going to Hawaii." (thank you to the Egberts for a wonderful vacation.) My weak showing yesterday tells me my body is a bit broken, yet I am determined to increase my activity each day and at the end of some future day read 10000 steps. That will be a happy day!
Happy 24th everyone. Again, thank you for your support, love and prayers. I can't imagine being on this journey without you. I am truly blessed!

5th Chemo

Wednesday, July 20
Today my mom had her 5th chemo treatment.  She seems to be handling everything fairly well.  She continues to get stronger everyday.  We never thought this is how we would be spending our summer vacation.  Crazy how life just happens.  We continue to learn numerous lessons from this experience.  Thank you for your continued love, prayers and support.  They are definitely helping!

Thanks to my BATC dept/family

I Must thank my dept/friends at BATC for all they've done. When you work everyday with the same people, they become your second family. We share secrets, triumphs, and challenges. We care about each other and each other's families. We easily spend more time with our second family than with our real family. And so it is that I need you to know that I appreciate all that you have done since June 5, the day that I started my leave. I wish I had something humorous to add but I'm actually feeling melancholy, just wishing I was there. This is like the summer vacation that you don't want! Day by day, right. Love you all!

Precious quilt

I received a most precious gift today-a beautiful quilt signed by friends and family. We have serious, even professional quilters in our ward but this was quite the project. I thank everyone involved from signing your names, piecing the quilt, and the actual sewing and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will always treasure this gift. I'm beginning to sound like a broken record but I am so overwhelmed at the kindness and generosity of others. It feels so different to be on the receiving end of everyone's goodness. Right now all I can do is embrace it. Please know how grateful and blessed we are.

Time for a tissue or two. Love you all. Thanks for your continued support and prayers.

"Wiggin' Out"

Thursday, July 14
Once a week someone from the American Cancer Society comes to the Logan Cancer Center and brings wigs, scarves, etc.  My mom went with April and my Grandma Ruby to find a wig.  (With this group, can you imagine the fun they had!)  Initially she was under the impression that she would be borrowing a wig.  When they got there the representative from the ACS told them that they give cancer patients one free wig along with some scarves, a sleeping hat and a portfolio to keep track of EVERYTHING.  They had quite a selection of wigs.  She found one that she liked.  April is going to do a little tweaking to it to make it perfect.  They were there trying things on for about two hours.  What a great service to provide for cancer patients.  Thank you for your kindness.

*Thanks to April for helping my mom through this.  We love you!

#4 Chemo History

Saying "goodbye" to #4 chemo makes me happy! One more done. I went to the tmt without any O2 and held my own. Thanks to faith, prayers, hope, and good medical care, I seem to be taking some steps in the right direction. So again, thank you for staying with me on this journey.
Mike and Kathy Christiansen came to my chemo or kimo tmt. Mike played his guitar for all os, asked for requests, even composed a song he titled,The Chemo Blues, that made all of us smile. Thank you for sharing your time and talents. Thanks also to Dave for checking in on me.
Tomorrow I m going to Logan to try on wigs. Did I just say that--wigs, cancer, chemo? I'mnot in denial, but there are many moments that I still grieve my pre-cancer life.
Another silly memory from my hospital stay. I was on the medical floor and luckily there was a nurse working who could administer my 2nd chemo tmt. She walked in a head to toe yellow plastic suit and left the two chemo bags near my bed. She leaned over to me and said, "now don't lick these bags!" A strange voice in my head said, grab those bags and give them a lick, but a louder,wiser voice said, don't you dare. I'm glad this day is coming to an end. Good night to all!

Another Round of Chemo

After a week off, my mom started another round of chemo today.  She wore her "Fight Like A Girl" hat that Bo got for her.  She had her make-up on and was ready to go.  Bo took her to her appointment.  She was supposed to start at 1:00, but wasn't able to start her treatment until 2:00 because there were so many people "getting" chemo as well.  Crazy and sad to think that the new cancer center in Logan is one of the busiest places in town.  Makes you appreciate your health.  My dad went and checked on her after he got off work at 3:30.   They got home about 5:30.  Some of the patients were impressed by my dad's legs :)  (He usually gets a few comments)

Her treatment went well.  Her neighbor, Mike Christiansen, volunteered to go and play his guitar for the patients while they received chemo.  Thank you to him (and his wife Kathy), it was a nice "distraction".

She continues to get stronger everyday.  Tomorrow she is going to check out some wigs.  She will have two more treatments (1 a week) and then they will do another CT scan to see what is going on.  She is amazing!  I'm grateful for her example and courage.  I love you mom!

How could I leave out my mom?

My soon to be 90 yr old mom has been my personal caregiver, visitor guard, phone fetcher, breakfast and lunch preparer and a million other things. I love her so much. Others have offered to give her a break and I so appreciate I can call on you. Here's a little secret, mom checks out or takes the caregiver break each weekday at 1:30 to watch Bold and Beautiful! That was a big surprise to me.

Lessons I've learned

I realize we all have our own "comfort zone" because we are all unique individuals. While in the hospital, I was asked certain questions that were not even close to my "comfort zone!" what happened to the "think before you speak" advice we've all learned?
Here is my list of "don't ask!" most coming from strangers because if you are my friend I may want to share.
Are the doctors optimistic? (no, I'm just going to battle for the fun of it.)
When do they say your hair will fall out?
How long do they give you? (please, never take away someones hope)
What stage is your cancer?
My sister just died from ovarian cancer. (I'm sorry for your sister but how did that comment keep me positive.)
I know there are more, These just made the top of my hospital memory list.
Just a side note. I was searching for these jeans without any luck. Just happened to ask Randy if he knew where they were. He said and I smile, "yes, they are in the back of my car. I was certain you would be coming home on day 2. That's one reason I love that man. He has made many sacrifices, many, many. He is such a positive force in my life and I love him so much. You all know I have a beautiful daughter, Natty. I also have three wonderful sons who were by my side in my darkest hours. I draw strength from each of them, Nick, Brady, and Bo! Nat's husband Daniel, Nick's wife Monica and 5, soon to be 7, grandchildren: Jaxon, Justus, Addi, Jace, and Izzi.
Sorry, this rambles on--look at the time, just couldn't sleep. Thank you for your positive influence in my life. I feel truly blessed.

Successful Surgery

Monday, July 11
The "chemo port" is officially in.  The surgery went well.  My parents got to the hospital at 6:15 A.M.  Surgery started at 7:30 A.M. and they were home by 9:30 A.M.  Doing well, feeling good.  Her oxygen levels have been great today.  So good in fact she hasn't had to use the oxygen tank at all today:)  Getting stronger everyday.  Another round of chemo starts on Wednesday.  Hair is falling out.  My mom has decided that she will definitely be a "wig" person.  Doesn't think she can adapt to the hats and scarves.  My boys and I are are trying to convince her to try a variety of wig colors--they want red, but grandma insists on staying blonde:)  Now for wig shopping.  Any suggestions?

Laziest

There was an evening of comedy in TCU. This unit has their own physical therapists who stand in your doorway twice a day and encourage you to get up and walk with their help. I understand the importance of moving, yet the PTs timing could not have been worse one day and I declined. Randy, Bo and I were looking at the whiteboard in my room, trying to read the word written by PT. The word was written with all letters very close together. We decided it read,"laziest." oh great, I had the title of the laziest patient in TCU. We all agreed that the word written was not the correct spelling of laziest yet we stayed convinced. The next morning when I got up and closer to the board, I was happy to read, 1assist, meaning I needed one person to assist me when I got up. Yeah! I wasn't the laziest pt in TCU.

One Week

My mom has been home for one week.  She continually gets stronger and more "restless"  everyday.  It is so nice to have her home.  Thank you to everyone for providing meals and sending faith and prayers her way.  Believe me, they are definitely helping.  She continues to draw from your faith and support.  Yesterday she had a pre-op visit for the "chemo port" they will be implanting on Monday.  I have been battling a cold, my dad was at work, so my sweet husband Daniel took her to the appointment.  I'm told there were a few tears shed, but plenty of good old laughter!!!  She goes in for surgery on Monday at 6:15 A.M.  It is an outpatient procedure so she will be home later that day. 
Again, thank you for your love and support.  We are extremely blessed!

July 7

No chemo this week.  Will start three more weeks next Wednesday.  After that, another CT scan to see what is going on.  Fingers crossed, prayers said that the cancer remains "contained" and shrinking.  Continuing to get stronger.  Had a Dr. appointment yesterday to draw blood.  Went fairly well.  My mom was told that she could start decreasing her "dependence" on the oxygen--continually turning down that dial (currently at a 2, when in ICU was all the way up to 13--daily miracles!) and getting rid of it all together--YEAH!  Must be making some progress with the lungs.  Tomorrow she has a pre-op appointment.  She is getting a "chemo port" implanted on Monday--out patient surgery.  Getting stronger day by day.  Thank you for your prayers and support--they are helping more than you'll ever know!

My Grandma is a SUPERHERO

Keep fighting hard grandma!  You are our superhero.  We have lots of fun adventures planned.  WE LOVE YOU!!! (Jaxon, Justus, Jace)

July 5

Randy vacuums the hair off me several times a day. Time for action and cut it. April. Came and cried with me, why is this part compared to everything else so hard. Well, some hair survived the shampoo and I now have a short cut. Like April said, when we need to go shorter we will.

July. 4

Can't believe it is July 4. Natty is so much better at putting thoughts and words together
Than i am. I thank her so much for all she does for me. Randy and I had date night watching fireworks on tv. Believe me a first for both of us. It's nice to be home. Thank you for prayers, love and support. I feel it and I may need to borrow from others for a while. Simply am amazed aT generosity. Thank you.

Addition to spa day post

My mom told me to add one shout out to spa day. Thank you to Diane Merrill for sitting with her and giving her a nice foot massage. Extremely nice and as my mom said "above and beyond"

One Month

Sunday, July 3
One month ago today, our lives took a drastic detour.  It is amazing everything that can happen in just one month.  This month has made us appreciate:
HEALTH
STRENGTH
FRIENDS
FAMILY
EVERYDAY LIFE
It is amazing how you learn to appreciate the ongoings of day to day life when you actually stop to enjoy them and not get caught up in a routine.  This definitely is a day to day battle, but when you recognize the miracles along the way and have the help and strength of good friends and family cheering you on, knowing you aren't alone, anything is possible.  Thank you for your faith and prayers.

Home Sweet Home

After 21 days in the hospital, my mom got to come home today!  Hard to believe that it has been three weeks.  She is getting stronger everyday.  She came home with oxygen, but no antibiotics.  She is moving around better, getting strength back, improving everyday.  Because she is fighting so hard and improving, the doctor said: "No visitors."  We don't want her to go back to the hospital.  The last x-ray remained "stable."  Good news.  We think it has to be somewhat "improved", because she is doing so much better.  Thank you everyone for your faith and prayers. We are so grateful and blessed!

Today truly is a miracle.  Seeing her these past few weeks, it is amazing how far she has come.  She has gone from ICU to Medical Care to Transition Care all in 21 days.  Crazy how life gets turned around.  I'm learning to appreciate and look for daily miracles (today being one!).  It is by "small" day to day miracles that my mom WILL WIN this fight.  I need to remember to not overlook them.  I love you mom!!!