"Peace I Leave With You"

Thursday, October 27
Tonight the world lost an earthly angel.  My mom fought like a girl up until the very end.  She fought this battle with courage, compassion, love, strength, humor and grace-just like she lived this earthly life.  If she had to leave, as a family we are glad that she didn't have to suffer.  As a family we did everything possible to help her with this fight.  My dad is amazing.  He has been by her side fighting every step of the way.  As family we gathered in her room.  My dad gave her a special blessing.  She passed away peacefully during it.  We know that she loved us and we loved her more than words can express.  One thing my dad has told us, to help us get through: "Don't ask why--why now, why her"... Instead ask "Why were we so lucky?"  Thank you for loving my mom.  She has felt your love, faith and prayers.  They have lifted her spirits and strengthened her throughout this fight.  I know that she will continue to love, lift, and support all of us as we go through this life and will greet us with her infectious smile and a big hug when that time comes. 

*There will be a viewing on Sunday night (October 30) at Allen-Hall Mortuary in Logan and her funeral will be Monday (October 31) at noon at the Smithfield Stake Center

*I've decided to continue to blog about our family.  The new blog will be journal entries for my mom on behalf of her grandkids entitled "Dear Grandma".  The blog address is grandmakandace.blogspot.com  My mom wouldn't want to miss a thing in the lives of her grandkids.  She was the best grandma ever and I know that she will continue to be.

Sometimes Life Isn't Fair

My mom's health continues to decline.  We met with some doctors and a nurse last night to talk about all the options.  We wanted to be rest assured that we had done everything possible to fight this battle.  All said and done, we have.  Her kidneys have stopped working, we are at the end.  Hospice is coming in to make sure that she is comfortable.  Your prayers and faith have helped us through this.  When we started fighting doctors thought maybe two weeks.  Here we are at five months.  She has been a valiant warrior and know that she will continue to be.  With the faith and prayers of dear family and friends our family will get through this.  Sometimes life isn't fair!

Too Weak For Chemo

Today my mom was supposed to start the "red devil" chemo regiment.  Unfortunately, she was too weak.  It is hard to watch her get weaker by the day.  Dr. Ben Jacob's wasn't sure how her body would react to the new drug so they are waiting for her vitals to improve and her strength to increase.  It is hard knowing that the one thing that may zap this cancer is the one thing that her body can't handle at this time.  She needs this drug to get better, and yet she can't have it.  She is back on her oxygen, not at the level it was originally, but still needs to be back on.  If she is strong enough on Friday, they are going to do a blood transfusion because she is anemic.  She is also a little incoherent.  Not sure what the next few days hold.  Quite a few tears shed today.  When my 5 year old, Justus, asked why I was crying, I told him that my heart hurt because Grandma was sick.  He looked at me without missing a beat and said, "she'll get better."  For now I might need to rely on the pure faith of a sweet, innocent 5 year old.  Not giving up hope, just praying for our miracle.

Updated Plan

After meeting with Dr. Ben Jacob we have a new plan of attack. She will start on a new chemo known as the "red devil". She will do a treatment once every three weeks. Let's hope the "red devil" gives this cancer "hell"! Keep the prayers and faith coming. She will beat this!

CT Results

The results are in. Mixed review. Good news-it hasn't spread to any other organs. Not the best news-it has grown in her uterus and also noticiable difference in her lungs again. My parents are meeting with Dr. Ben Jacob tomorrow afternoon to go over the results and decide on a plan of attack. We know how well the chemo was working originally so hopefully it will get back to work! No more set backs, come on chemo-do your thing! Keep your thoughts and prayers coming her way! Thanks for your support!

Upcoming CT scan

Needless to say it has been a rough few weeks.  As if fighting cancer wasn't hard enough my mom has had to battle about every other random illness/"condition" as well.  She truly is a fighter.  She is worn out physically, emotionally, mentally, BUT she continues to fight and will continue doing so.  After a lifetime of being the caregiver, the roles are currently reversed.  She is ready to get back to "normal" and for this "nightmare" to end.  Since this began our family has enjoyed the highest highs and weathered the lowest lows, taking each new day as it comes.  Thank you for your continued faith, love and prayers.  They truly do keep us going. 

My mom's next CT scan is on Tuesday-she is super excited to "gag" down the banana smoothie :)  We are taking only good news that day!  Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers that all goes well.  Send your love, and good vibes her way!   

Surgery Complete

My mom was able to have the surgery yesterday.  The doctor (Dr. Ryan Larsen) inserted a stent in each kidney so they "stay open".  The stents will stay in for 6-8 weeks.  They are keeping her in the hospital for the next few days so they can monitor her and she can rest and get her strength back.  When they did her blood work today they determined it wasn't where they wanted it so she didn't have chemo today.  The plan is to do chemo on Friday.  They will keep her in the hospital until Friday, then if all goes well she can get her chemo and come home.  Dr. Ben Jacob told my parents that he has enough of her original chemo to take her through the rest of her treatments (through December).  This is definitely good news.  We are ready to get back on track with the chemo so it can kill off all the cancer!  They are still planning on another MRI in 3 weeks to see what is going on.  Prayers said and fingers crossed that the cancer stays contained--AND shrinking!  Come on chemo--do your thing! 

Gall Stones, Blood Clot, Hydronephrosis, OH MY!!!

Today my mom went in for more testing to try and determine why she has been feeling so "rotten".  They did a pelvic/abdominal ultrasound to see what was going on.  Here are the results:  Gall Stones, and Hydronephrosis (blockage between ureter and kidney).  While they had the ultrasound machine they used it on her left arm and found that she has a rather large blood clot.  I guess when it rains it pours!  I told her that she is getting every possible illness out of the way so she will have nothing but a clean bill of health!  Treatment will include:  outpatient surgery to remove the blockage between the kidney and ureter (ASAP) and medicine to "dissolve" the blood clot. 
They also put her on a medicine to increase her appetite.  My dad had to go to 4 different pharmacies to find it.  Luckily Walmart had it, only because it was a cancelled order. 
On the bright side, the ultrasound showed that things had "remained the same".  No new tumors anywhere.  She starts back on her regular chemo Wednesday.  After 3 weeks they will do another full body MRI to make sure that everything is "back on track".  My mom is "super excited" to drink the lovely "banana smoothie" again.  Thank you for your continued support, faith and prayers.  We are so blessed!
Tomorrow is a new day. 

Rough Few Days

We are ecstatic with the Bone Scan Results!  Always reassuring to get "good news".  The past few days have been a little rough for my mom.  She has been very nauseated.  She has had a hard time eating.  It all kind of came about when they switched her chemo medication.  Now in her folder there is a note that states that she cannot be given that type again.  Luckily they got her original medication back in stock so she was able to have that last Wednesday.  Now we can get back on track!  She does have this week off of chemo.  Hopefully this will give her body time to adjust and "get back on schedule".  They have been giving her fluids and medication to help with the nausea.  Today is a new day--hopefully the nausea will go away. 

In addition she has experienced the side effects of radiation--tired and burned skin.  Recent side effet--"clogged ears".  I guess on a "good note"--with side effects like these, we know the radiation is still working.

Thanks for your continued love, prayers, faith, and support!  Keep up the good work!

Bone Scan Results

My mom just called with the results from her bone scan.  Results are in:  EVERYTHING LOOKS GOOD!!! The cancer has  NOT traveled to her bones!!!  Thankful for good news, "peace of mind" and daily miracles.

Happy Grandparents Day

Happy Grandparents Day to the BEST grandma and grandpa in the whole entire world!  WE LOVE YOU!!!

Bone Scan

On Monday, September 12 my mom will have a bone scan to see if the cancer has traveled to her bones.  This is the one test that hasn't been performed so Dr. Ben Jacob wants to do the test for "peace of mind".  As my mom said, "No more bad news".  This past week at chemo she was informed that they were currently out of the chemo medication that she has been using (I know, how can they run out of something like that--we ask ourselves that daily!).  She had to sign a waiver so she could be given a different kind until hers comes in (not the doctors/hospitals fault--pharmaceutical companies!).  They are hoping for a shipment to arrive this week.  We know how well the medication is working for her so hopefully this week she can go back to her "routine".  My mom continues to fight the daily battle.  Some days are better than others--we cherish the good days.  They help us through the "bad".  Thank you for your continued love, faith, hope and prayers.  Fingers crossed and prayers said that Monday's test results are good news only and her chemo schedule gets back on track!

Baby Jett arrived this morning!

8# 5oz, 20in, jet black hair, born 12:45 am, Sept 4. I can't wipe the smile off my face! Jett and Natty are doing well. She is 2 weeks early, but we are not surprised since all Nats children came early. We love you so much and we are so happy for you. Going to hold my Grandbaby this afternoon, can't wait!
I'd like to briefly share what I know regarding my treatments, etc, through Dec. I'd like to thank my BATC family for great advice on applying for long term disability. It's the right decision and I don't have to worry about it at this point, so thank you! I've given myself one year to heal. If I am able to get back to work soonner than that, it will be a bonus. I still love my job and those I work with and that is my goal. My chemo will continue through Dec and then a CT scan to know the progress. An MRI will be done in 2 months to follow the progress of radiation. On Sept. 12, I have a bone scan scheduled. I am worried about this. I told Dr. Ben Jacob that I could not have more bad news so he said that we will do the scan for "peace of mind!"
The day to day battle continues. Thank you all for your love, support and faith. For now we will find joy with a new baby and the three sons that will welcome Jett. And more joy to follow when Monica has a little boy this January to add to their 2 little girls. We are so blessed!

Radiation completed!

Just walking thru the door from the Cancer Center where I finished my last radiation treatment. Jill and Matt, my radiation team, were marvelous, competent, respectful, and kind. Thank you to them for making these last 15 days, "good days!" After radiation I had my 8th chemo session. Went well but I am tired and plan to nap. I'm glad to get started back on chemo to keep progressing and tell these tumors to "take a hike." My chemo treatments will now end (hoping) in December. I'm now on the every Wednesday schedule, 3 in a row and one off, to let your body and blood rejuvenate.
I'm still wondering how I'm going to fill my time. Mom thinks I should take in laundry! Before anyone brings over laundry, please call first, I'm not loving the idea!

Happy 90th birthday Mom!

90 years of birthdays marks this day for my mom, and I would love to honor her and wish her the best 90th birthday. She shows up every day to sit with me and I know some days she has better things to do, yet she comes and smiles and stays. I'd like to believe that my role is that of caregiver but my whole family, friends, and neighbors have surpassed me in me own chosen role. I feel so blessed.
My brain radiation will be completed on Wed, Aug 31. On that same day I will start back on chemo. I'm still holding on to a few strands of hair-I'm keeping it, my decision, for now anyway.
I'm looking forward to seeing family and friends this weekend in celebration of moms birthday. She invited 90 guests to her 90th. Sounds appropriate. Natalie has taken the reigns and organized it. Nat, I will be in charge of mom's 91st!
Thanks to all for your continued love, support, and prayers. I draw great strength from you. The YSA 1st ward surprised me last night with a precious quilt. It was a great night to visit and enjoy each others company. The official "no visitors" sign is down. Please come visit. You will bring me joy and my smiles getting a bit rusty!
One more thought, summer is officially over. Jaxon, I wish you the best as you start second grade! And a "happy birthday" to Monica. A shared birthday with mom!

"What Do You See"

Lately my mom has been asking us (our family), "What do you see when you look at me?"  My answer:  "I still see my mom."  My boys will simply answer, "Grandma". 

Hair or no hair :) I still see beautiful blue eyes and a smile that lights up a room.

Thinking deeper, I see my hero. I see strength, faith, compassion, courage,  determination, and hope.  I see stubbornness, sarcasm :) wit, curiosity, love, and empathy.

I see a FIGHTER, a SURVIVOR, and a BRIGHT FUTURE. 

My question now to you, "What do you see when you look at my mom?"  Please leave a comment and let her know, or send her a note.  She appreciates your faith, prayers and support more than words can express.

Speed Bump

It is hard to enjoy AMAZING news, then be delivered bad news the following week.  We are all elated with how well the chemo is working for my mom.  She is handling it well.  That is why we were surprised at the turn.  She started experiencing migraines (severe), and numbness in her left side.  At first we all thought-side effects of chemo.  Last Thursday night she went to the emergency room in Logan because she had a partial seizure.  Luckily we were able to get a hold of Dave Reese (thanks Jackie) and he raced to the ER (starting his shift really early--THANK YOU) to take care of my mom.  It was nice to have a doctor there that knew the situation so we didn't have to re-explain it to everyone.  He decided to do a CT scan of her brain (haven't yet done one throughout this whole ordeal--no symptoms).  The results were not what we expected to hear after our "good news".  The CT scan showed that the cancer has traveled to her brain--showing roughly 11 lesions, the biggest being 12 mm.  As my mom said, it is like taking one step forward then two steps back.

They transported my mom to Huntsman to meet with some specialists to come up with a plan of attack.  She had to ride in an ambulance (precautionary)--I know she was thrilled, and my dad followed them there.  I am told the facility at Huntsman is unreal (her room was donated by Karl Malone) and the staff is unbelievable, optimistic, and welcoming.  It was good for my mom to be in that type of environment.  After spending the night, the specialists met and determined that they would start 15 rounds of whole brain radiation on my mom.  They said this is a 100% guarantee that it will kill off the cancer in her brain.  Extremely positive and reassuring.  Dr. Ben Jacob in Logan was in the same mind set, so that is the plan of attack.

They released my mom on Friday.  On the way home her and my dad stopped at McKay Dee Hospital in Ogden and she had her 1st radiation treatment (lasted about 15 minutes start to finish), after which they came home.  She had her 2nd treatment in Logan, Saturday morning.  So, 2 down, 13 to go.  From what my dad was told, this is actually quite common.  There  is a blood-brain barrier so the chemo doesn't affect the brain.  We know that it is working in her body.  The doctors are going to  focus on the brain these next few weeks, then resume chemo treatments.  So a speed bump has been placed before us.  We appreciate your love, support, faith, and prayers.  They keep us going.  Please keep up the good work!

3rd Round of Chemo

Yesterday my mom started her third round of chemo (1 round = 3 weeks/once a week for about 4 hours).  We are all still elated at the progress revealed with the last CT scan.  The last few months have been filled with many ups and downs.  We are grateful for the faith, prayers and support of so many on behalf of my mom and our family.  She did say that this round started off a little rough.  Some of the  side effects include migraines, "chemo brain", dizziness, fatigue, and numbness in limbs.  It definitely is a day to day battle.  Looking at how  far she has come is amazing.  That is what we focus on.  Thank you for your continued love, support, faith, and prayers.  Knowing that we have so many on our side is reassuring.  This is a battle that will be won!

Happy day

This morning was my CT scan to see the progress of the chemo. Dr. Reese came with Randy and I to the appointment-I can't thank him enough! I've worried about this for days, even though family and friends remained steadfast that all would be well. I have great news to share. The CT of my lungs showed "dramatic favorable response." This news brought me to tears. Dr. Ben Jacob said that the original CT scan compared to this morning's scan does not look like it could belong to the same person! The endometrial cancer report shows "much less prominent." Thank you, thank you for your love, support, and prayers. One milestone reached, many to go. I appreciate your continued love, support, and prayers! Today is a happy day!

Happy Birthday Bo

Today is Bo's 24th birthday.  One thing that many are interested to learn about Bo--his real name is Derek Ferris Oldroyd.  I don't remember the last time anyone has called him Derek:)  Bo has been my mom's "guard dog" throughout this experience--never leaving her side!  He is amazing and a wonderful part of our family!  We love you Bo!  Enjoy your day!