"Peace I Leave With You"

Thursday, October 27
Tonight the world lost an earthly angel.  My mom fought like a girl up until the very end.  She fought this battle with courage, compassion, love, strength, humor and grace-just like she lived this earthly life.  If she had to leave, as a family we are glad that she didn't have to suffer.  As a family we did everything possible to help her with this fight.  My dad is amazing.  He has been by her side fighting every step of the way.  As family we gathered in her room.  My dad gave her a special blessing.  She passed away peacefully during it.  We know that she loved us and we loved her more than words can express.  One thing my dad has told us, to help us get through: "Don't ask why--why now, why her"... Instead ask "Why were we so lucky?"  Thank you for loving my mom.  She has felt your love, faith and prayers.  They have lifted her spirits and strengthened her throughout this fight.  I know that she will continue to love, lift, and support all of us as we go through this life and will greet us with her infectious smile and a big hug when that time comes. 

*There will be a viewing on Sunday night (October 30) at Allen-Hall Mortuary in Logan and her funeral will be Monday (October 31) at noon at the Smithfield Stake Center

*I've decided to continue to blog about our family.  The new blog will be journal entries for my mom on behalf of her grandkids entitled "Dear Grandma".  The blog address is grandmakandace.blogspot.com  My mom wouldn't want to miss a thing in the lives of her grandkids.  She was the best grandma ever and I know that she will continue to be.

Sometimes Life Isn't Fair

My mom's health continues to decline.  We met with some doctors and a nurse last night to talk about all the options.  We wanted to be rest assured that we had done everything possible to fight this battle.  All said and done, we have.  Her kidneys have stopped working, we are at the end.  Hospice is coming in to make sure that she is comfortable.  Your prayers and faith have helped us through this.  When we started fighting doctors thought maybe two weeks.  Here we are at five months.  She has been a valiant warrior and know that she will continue to be.  With the faith and prayers of dear family and friends our family will get through this.  Sometimes life isn't fair!

Too Weak For Chemo

Today my mom was supposed to start the "red devil" chemo regiment.  Unfortunately, she was too weak.  It is hard to watch her get weaker by the day.  Dr. Ben Jacob's wasn't sure how her body would react to the new drug so they are waiting for her vitals to improve and her strength to increase.  It is hard knowing that the one thing that may zap this cancer is the one thing that her body can't handle at this time.  She needs this drug to get better, and yet she can't have it.  She is back on her oxygen, not at the level it was originally, but still needs to be back on.  If she is strong enough on Friday, they are going to do a blood transfusion because she is anemic.  She is also a little incoherent.  Not sure what the next few days hold.  Quite a few tears shed today.  When my 5 year old, Justus, asked why I was crying, I told him that my heart hurt because Grandma was sick.  He looked at me without missing a beat and said, "she'll get better."  For now I might need to rely on the pure faith of a sweet, innocent 5 year old.  Not giving up hope, just praying for our miracle.

Updated Plan

After meeting with Dr. Ben Jacob we have a new plan of attack. She will start on a new chemo known as the "red devil". She will do a treatment once every three weeks. Let's hope the "red devil" gives this cancer "hell"! Keep the prayers and faith coming. She will beat this!

CT Results

The results are in. Mixed review. Good news-it hasn't spread to any other organs. Not the best news-it has grown in her uterus and also noticiable difference in her lungs again. My parents are meeting with Dr. Ben Jacob tomorrow afternoon to go over the results and decide on a plan of attack. We know how well the chemo was working originally so hopefully it will get back to work! No more set backs, come on chemo-do your thing! Keep your thoughts and prayers coming her way! Thanks for your support!

Upcoming CT scan

Needless to say it has been a rough few weeks.  As if fighting cancer wasn't hard enough my mom has had to battle about every other random illness/"condition" as well.  She truly is a fighter.  She is worn out physically, emotionally, mentally, BUT she continues to fight and will continue doing so.  After a lifetime of being the caregiver, the roles are currently reversed.  She is ready to get back to "normal" and for this "nightmare" to end.  Since this began our family has enjoyed the highest highs and weathered the lowest lows, taking each new day as it comes.  Thank you for your continued faith, love and prayers.  They truly do keep us going. 

My mom's next CT scan is on Tuesday-she is super excited to "gag" down the banana smoothie :)  We are taking only good news that day!  Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers that all goes well.  Send your love, and good vibes her way!   

Surgery Complete

My mom was able to have the surgery yesterday.  The doctor (Dr. Ryan Larsen) inserted a stent in each kidney so they "stay open".  The stents will stay in for 6-8 weeks.  They are keeping her in the hospital for the next few days so they can monitor her and she can rest and get her strength back.  When they did her blood work today they determined it wasn't where they wanted it so she didn't have chemo today.  The plan is to do chemo on Friday.  They will keep her in the hospital until Friday, then if all goes well she can get her chemo and come home.  Dr. Ben Jacob told my parents that he has enough of her original chemo to take her through the rest of her treatments (through December).  This is definitely good news.  We are ready to get back on track with the chemo so it can kill off all the cancer!  They are still planning on another MRI in 3 weeks to see what is going on.  Prayers said and fingers crossed that the cancer stays contained--AND shrinking!  Come on chemo--do your thing!